Reba

So the first request I am fulfilling is Reba. First, a little background, partially from Wikipedia, partially from my brain, circa 2002.
Reba is a single mother in Houston. She was a secretary for a dentist, who happens to be her ex-husband's foe. She got fired though and becomes a real estate agent.
Cheyenne. When the show starts she's a high schooler and recently found out she was pregnant with her idiot boyfriend's baby. She's played by Joanne Garcia, who played Vicky on Freaks and Geeks, and was the object of Neil Schweiber's affection. Note: I'm already trying to change the subject to better shows.
Van is Cheyenne's boyfriend. Accoridng to Wikipedia they at some point get married. He's an idiot, it provides for many laughs and awkward situations, much like any idiot in a sitcom.
Brock is Cheyenne's father, and Reba's ex-husband. He's a dentist. Not the brightest fellow, he and Van kind of become friends. Brock stays in Cheyenne's life, and for some reason Reba always lets him kind of hang out at her house. He has also married some other chick, and has a kid with her.
Barbara Jean. The other chick that Brock married. She's an idiot too. I think everybody is basically an idiot except for Reba, which was probably the point. She's an all knowing mother who has to deal with a bunch of morons.

Wikipedia says there are other kids in the Reba family, but I doubt they're important, I am assuming they just provide some comic relief and "Look what an idiot my sister Cheyenne is compared to me" type moments.

Comcast informs me that the episode I am about to watch is called "Parenting With Puppets." In which "Reba criticizes Barbara Jean for her lack of parenting skills after Henry misbehaves; Brock and Van are mistaken for a gay couple wen they go to a day spa together."
I am willing to bet that Reba will criticize BJ, as she is affectionately known, but in the end Reba learns a lesson, and BJ does too, I bet it's touching. Van and Brock probably learn something about stereotypes, and eventually come away being glad that they went to this day spa, even though when they first found out people thought they were gay the two become horrified. That's my guess, we'll see.

Here we go:

10 seconds in I'm so fucking annoyed. BJ walks into Reba's house and stages a grand entrance for her son. He walks in pounding a drum and proceeds to march around. I am currently confused why Reba allows her ex-husband's new wife and their son to just chill in their house. Oh no, Reba forced Henry to stop playing the drums, kind of forcefully, and now everyone is sad.

Opening credits: Montage of cast plus Reba song....amazing.

First commercial break. So that opening scene has already set up that Reba is going to get annoyed with her ex-husband's son, and try and take matters into her own hands, and BJ most likely doesn't believe in raising her son that way. I'm definitely smelling a lesson for both. Maybe one for Henry, too, about respect and boundaries. I am currently finding an AARP commercial to have a more solid, and less predictable plot line.

Back to the show, same exact scene. BJ is mad at Reba for yelling at her son. Reba is pointing out that they shouldn't be in her house. BJ is getting way too offended, so comical. Reba insists on being able to discipline Henry is he's to be in her house. BJ insists that Reba reason with Henry, like she and Brock do. Reba thinks Henry would win those reasoning sessions with BJ and Brock, haha, they're so dense. BJ is now plugging her ears and making a weird face, so as to not listen to Reba....

Enter Van and Brock. They're about to have "GUY TIME!" Van thinks Brock rented a dwarf so they can go "dwarf tossing." Stop and let that sink in....dwarf tossing. Brock is now dropping the bomb that they are going to a day spa, he also appears to drinking a beer, one called Schubb Light. Van has now insinuated that Brock might "be...uh...gay." Van says he has to do something like dwarf tossing to get rage out, since he got married and has to bury his anger and what not. Van is also concerned about his hair being messed with, because his stylist, Julio, would scratch his eyes out.

Reba's son has made his first entrance. 10 second, small quip. Enter BJ again. Reba makes fun of her. BJ is now demonstrating how she reasons with Henry. She uses a puppet, looks like a dog, and she's talking like a gangsta with this sick puppet. So far Henry is refusing to go along with the sock puppet's requests. Henry has left and now Reba is trying to talk to BJ, but BJ is using the sock puppet. So funny, she's also continuing to make rap and "hood" references. Reba is making sarcastic references back. Oh ha, Reba used to be disciplined by her father with a switch. BJ is not okay with corporal punishment. "Henry is not out of control" -BJ. Crashing sounds from living room, Reba's son says Henry did it. Reba's son makes another quip. BJ is now disciplining Henry, by more or less warning him for breaking a lamp. Reba is outraged! ANGER! Reba is now insisting BJ and Henry leave, she also called Henry "Chucky." Huzzah for 20 year old pop culture references. BJ isn't leaving....Reba just spanked her.....and did it again....violence solves everything kids.

Here's my new guess: Henry didn't break the lamp, Reba's son did. You see the second the crash happened he shouted "Henry did it!" and we don't know for sure, it was off camera. But Reba and BJ both act as if Henry did it. So since Reba tried to make BJ discipline Henry, here's the lesson, she's not such an awesome fucking mom herself. Not only did her son break the lamp, the bastard lied about it! OH NO! Meanwhile Noah Wyle is telling me why climate change is a big deal.....polar bears. It's a big deal because of polar bears, that seems to be the sole reason. Thanks Dr. Carter!

Back to the show. Cheyenne makes her first appearance. Reba's son is admitting to Cheyenne that he broke the lamp, he feels no remorse. Cheyenne ratted on him. Reba is now lecturing her young son. He's grounded for two weeks, one for breaking the lamp, one for lying. SNAP! He hates it here! Cheyenne has now blamed a broken picture frame, which her daughter broke, on Jake....I smell trouble.

Van and Brock are in the spa. They took a bath in milk....they're talking about farting in milk, and now in mud. Brock has no suggested Van call him Brock, instead of "Mr. H." Van is now comparing Brock's name to a parrot. See, because "Brock" is similar to a bird "bawking." It's clever.... Oh snap, they're about to get a massage from a guy, oh no! Awkward! Brock is okay with it, Van is slightly horrified. Male masseuse is removing Van's robe...getting kinky. Van likes it, it feels nice....oh no, he might be gay. They're talking about their kids, and how they have two great dads....the masseuse assumes this to mean they're a couple with two kids, and he's touched. He's ralying his story about how his partner thinks it would be too tough on the kid to have gay parents, and now Brock and Van realize that the masseuse thinks they're a gay couple. Van is freaking out, and Brock is trying to play it cool and explain it. He's not admitting to not being gay though....just that they're not perfect parents. The male masseuse refers to his good times with his partner as their "Guy Time" and it has become even more awkward for Van, who just keeps shouting Brock's name.

Commercial. Man, I'm the win so far. Also, Cash for Gold, bitches.

BJ is callign the cops on Reba spanking her. Reba has come to talk to BJ. Reba is admitting Jake, Reba's son, broke the lamp, she is admitting she was wrong, and how painful it is she admits that. BJ is crying and hugging Reba, probably because this is a touching moment. And now BJ is admitting that Henry has done a lot of terrible things at Reba's that they always blame on Van. Oh Van, the lovable blockhead. BJ is having a breakdown, realizing Henry is a bad child, Reba is lecturing her on not being Henry's friend, but being his mother. And now Reba is crying because Jake hates her right now. Oh being a mom is so hard....oh now, crashing sound off screen. BJ: "He's awake." Ha, see, the devil child has awakened and immediately broken something.

Oh my god....the show is over....the Van and Brock storyline didn't even really have a conclusion....just awkward. No lesson at all....I lose on that one. I'll call it a half loss. How the hell does the B storyline not have a conclusion. And Cheyenne is supposed to be a main character, she said like two sentences.

Well, that brings us to the end of the first installment of "What A Terrible Show." So far the title is ringing true. Feel free to leave a comment requesting another show. I doubt I'll ever watch another episode of this show, because I think the plot line is about the same every episode. Reba teaches BJ/Brock a lesson, at the same time Reba learns a lesson of her own. Van's a blockhead. Meaningless story lines about Cheyenne and Jake.